Box of Sunshine...

Well, as some of you may know...I've been going through...STUFF...

I haven't been feeling very well for a while now.  Weird symptoms, like extreme leg swelling, even more extreme fatigue, shakiness, skin and hair problems, swallowing problems....and the list goes on...

It's pretty fun...

Well, my family doctor has been great.  He is the one that found Romy's brain bleed in a matter of days, and he instantly took me seriously as well....he tested my kidneys, liver, thyroid, and several other things...

Nothing came back unusual...

He said he has had a few patients with my same symptoms that had thyroid cancer, so he sent me off to get an ultrasound, and sure enough, I had 5 tumors. 

But they couldn't tell by an ultrasound whether they are cancerous or not, so they sent me in to do biopsies. 

I have to say, I haven't been freaked out by this at all.  I'm not welcoming bad news or anything, but I have just been going along, doing each procedure.  I told Brian I'd be fine, and that I would just go alone to the procedure.  One of my super closest friends wouldn't allow it. In fact, she may have thought I was a little crazy...

I don't blame her...

She INSISTED on coming with me...and this is after staying up until all hours to see the premier of Hunger Games, and then having to drive 30+ minutes on practically ZERO sleep...

She's basically my hero...

I still thought I was fine.  I'm glad she had enough sense to know I wouldn't be though.  Her poor hand probably throbbed with pain by the time they were done.  They went in seventeen times, and each time they would reposition the needle in the tumors TRYING to get something to biopsy.

It was a fail...

And on top of it...It was one of the most painful things ever.  Took me out for the rest of the day!!  She luckily drove me home, and even stayed a few hours to help with my kiddos while I literally cried in my bed...

It was rather pathetic on my part...

I think it all finally hit me, and I was a little scared. I still have to go into a radiation specialist...supposedly they specialize in tumors, and have better equipment.....sounds to me like MORE PAIN...



When she left, she had put a box on my counter, and asked me to open it later. 

It was a BOX OF SUNSHINE!!!!!

"You need some sunshine"

and she put in the box:

YELLOW PEANUT M&MS

YELLOW POPCORN FLAVORED JELLY BELLIES (my fav)

YELLOW BANANA SPLIT SUCKER

YELLOW STARBURSTS

SUPER CUTE YELLOW NECKLACE

LEMON HEADS

BUTTERSCOTCH CANDIES WITH SMILIES DRAWN ON THEM :)

YELLOW CANDY NECKLACE

JUICY FRUIT GUM (also yellow...of course!!)

YELLOW REECES EGGS

YELLOW FINGERNAIL POLISH!!!

LEMON PIE...YUMMMM

YELLOW PEEPS

THEN...under all of that, she wrote:

"After the rain comes the sun, but after the sun comes a rainbow"

And there was a whole bunch of my favorite colorful candies...SIXLETS

I BAWLED LIKE A BABY....

I felt so cared for, and thought of.  It was seriously the sweetest thing ever!!! How lucky I am to have all the friends I have...who care for me so much!!

Sometimes...all you need is just a box of sunshine...!!!

School Schmool...

Am I the only one that DREADS school projects??  The kids come home announcing their next big assignment, and I feel like I'm back in high school or college procrastinating as much as I can... 

SIGH...

I'm just not a huge fan...lets just put it that way...

Here is one of the most recent "fun" projects.  The teacher even excitedly explained it to me.  It's one of her favorites each year.  Would it have been totally out of character for me to say,"please, just shoot me in the face" or something...?? DON'T PANIC.  I would never do either, and yes, it's a bit extreme, but it may have briefly grazed the thoughts of my brain...just briefly though...

WELL FOLKS, 12 hours later...YES 12....here is our final product.  She wanted this scaled to size as best as possible, and done creatively of course.  This thing is pretty big.  It was 12" X 24" or something of the sort... I present THE SOLAR SYSTEM

Carter Lords

4th Grade

Mrs. Oldemeyer

Good job Carter!!! ;)

Out of Focus...

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've felt "Outta Whack" for a while.  Thankfully, I think things are coming around...but I was worried for a while that I wouldn't snap out of it...

I lost my blogging happy too...

I wanted to, and still thought about doing it all the time...but just couldn't bring the determination to the surface.  It just faded into nothingness...obviously...!!

Well, I miss it.  I miss talking about my day.  Recording my feelings...but mostly...I miss REMEMBERING!!!  I love looking back on my posts, and laughing, and crying, but mostly feeling!!

And there it is...I wasn't feeling...I was floating. So to speak...

Do you ever feel like that...that instead of swimming in life, you are just seeing where the current takes you??  Sometimes, I am sure it is a good thing...for a while it was...but then I realized that I had to swim...

I know...analogies..

I have a problem with it...

but you'll get over it...

Because this is my blog, and that's how I am!!!

Well, I am so glad that my life seems to be coming back into focus.  Things are clear.  I can see each leaf on the tree again, and not just the general object....and that feels good!! 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:  Life will continue whether you know how you want it to go or not...you have to make the choice to sink or swim, cause floating gets you nowhere...

I choose to swim...

I need the workout anyways ;)

Cast away...

Sometimes I feel that I should be "cast out" of the blogging world. 

My daughter got her cast off today...!!!

She had it on for FOUR WEEKS.

I used to be good at this...

Frequent.

Blogging was my outlet, my journal, and my inspiration...

What has my life come to??!!!  AHHHH!!!

Well, here to make the best of my lameness, I thought I'd let you in on my little "fanCASTical" adventure...yes...I am totally witty...

Anyways, long story short, Romy had a stroke as a newborn.  Her right side nerve system is affected, making is hard for her to use it in a controlled manor...and sometimes at all. Our therapist of a year now suggested a treatment in which you cast her good arm to encourage....well, lets be honest...force her to use her "bad" arm.

IT HAS BEEN AMAZING!!!
Our journey to the cast was exactly that...or more an experiment.  We tried much less invasive attempts first.

Constraint Attempt #1: A molded half cast velcro-ed and ace wrapped. 

FAIL...it was so bulky, it was like a paddle, and she couldn't function, as a growing baby...

Constraint Attempt #2: Ace wrap.

FAIL...no matter how well we tried to wrap it...she would crawl out of it...

Constraint Attempt #3: Ace wrap with Coban over top.

FAIL...this worked great...only...the crawling caused serious blistering on her fingers, and lots of pain for the little sweetness.

Constraint Attempt #4: Cast of her lower arm.

FAIL...yep...you heard me...FAIL.  We tried doing a cast from just below her elbow through her hand.  She somehow wiggled out of it within 24 hours...

Constraint Attempt #5: Cast of her WHOLE ARM

SUCCESS...FINALLY!!!!

Before the cast, she couldn't pick up a fruitloop and get it to her mouth.  Before the cast, she could pick up certain objects if VERY PERSUADED to do so, and immediately her left hand would take it out.  She had a hard time extending her arm to reach for anything, because lets face it...why reach with Righty when the Left likes doing all the work??

WELLLLL...I am happy to report that the constraint therapy has done wonders.  She can now hold things intentionally, put food in her mouth, she can drop objects into a container at the right time, she can even stack a block on top of another block, which takes TONS of control.  She still struggles, and has difficulty turning her arm, and reaching all the way, but is not refusing to use the arm like she did before...

So pleased with the results...

She was so cute with her cast.  She crawled all funny, because her arm was bent at all times.  She sounded like she had a peg leg.  She also would bang on her crib in the morning to alert the family that she was ready to be up.  On a few occasions, she did realize that her cast was a total weapon...she may have injured few...but no permanent damage to report :)

The first thing she did once her cast was of was try smacking her arm on the wall.  She laughed when it didn't make a huge clunking sound.  I have to say that I am SUPER happy that I can put normal clothing on my daughter...and season appropriate!!!  It's getting cold, and the only thing I could put on was what was big enough to fit over the giant cast!!

NOW...if only she'd realize that her left arm still works...Here's to more therapy!!!!!

Hotel Party...!!

My sweet Oakley is a patient one...good thing too...look at her procrastinated mother...

SOOOO...I'd like to take you back to a time...oh say a few months ago...

My daughter turned 8, so I wanted to do something super fun and special...we decided on a hotel swim party...YES...with a sleepover...SQUEAL!!!

She was so excited, and didn't even mind that we waited until after school was out to hold it...her birthday is in May, and man, the end of the school year gets crazy...!!

I let her choose a few of her closer friends, and I also chose one of my closer friends to man the chaos with me...there was no way I was going it alone...not to mention she had twins that were gonna be there anyways...!  I like to tell myself she woulda helped out anyways...:)

The girls all enjoying the view from their balcony :)

Anyways, I got the conference room all set up for a little "surprise" dinner with cake and presents.  They were all so excited to be at a HOTEL...!!

SURPRISE!!!

Dinner, cake, and a lighter app later...we were well on our way to the swimming portion of the night...

This is the "Seriously??!!  You forgot candles and now you want me to blow on a phone that has a fake lighter and make a legit wish??" face

Please insert deafening swim party here...

IT WAS SO LOUD...

The girls seemed to have a blast, and I loved that once we got back up to our room, they all snuggled in together and munched their candy, giggled, watched a little TV, and eventually drifted off...

Alli and I on the other hand...we stayed up talking for a little while...I totally couldn't sleep cause I didn't bring my pillow, and there was only one...I am a total pillow hog...I need my pillows people...preferably three, but come on...at least two...

It was around 2am, and I hadn't fallen asleep yet, and I hear Alli tossing around...she was awake too...so we chatted until 4am...

Next thing I know Alli is telling me that she is going to go ahead and take the girls down to breakfast.  I thought she was totally crazy...for heavens sake...it could only be like 6am...

NOPE...she proceeds to tell me that it's 8:30am...what a bum...here I am the host of the party, and I am dead to the world, and hadn't even heard the girls get up...OOPS...

We took the girls to breakfast, and again to the pool, had a nail painting party (of course) and finally, we made our way back home. 

I have to say that it was a really cute little adventure.  I will have to do it again.  She had a blast, and come on...who doesn't like to stay at a hotel??

Ready or Not...

I'll tell ya...I was definitely not ready for this last week...

SCHOOL...ALREADY??!!!

BUT....BUT...

SIGH...

Well, ready or not, it comes anyway.  I just really felt like I needed just ONE more month of summer.  We really were jipped this year with all the surgeries.  I guess there's always next time right, and hey...my kids can breathe...

Well, most of them can...

School Started Tuesday.  I definitely thought school starting would mean getting in a better routine.  Getting organized...you know, all that good stuff...

I was wrong...at least for now.

I got the older two off to school.  I had an appt that morning to get my hair fixed...cause I messed it up...cause I think I can do these things Nemo, but you just cant....

Mostly cause I couldn't see the back of my head...and bleach plus no vision equals not the best scenario

Anyways, I have a head full of foils, a daughter who has to go to therapy, and my Parker boy starts Kindergarten this year...OH, and my sister was over with her little man getting ready for work too... ;)

Luckily Brian got there in the nic of time to get kids to where they needed to be.  I was running all over the house (with my foils) getting Parker ready, Romy ready, and getting them out the door.  I was sad that I missed Parker's first day.  There are only so many firsts...but Brian was super cute and took some pictures

I had to go to school early to pick the kids up because Oakley had another dr appt...she still cant breath through her nose...that's generally a problem I guess.  :)  So after an hour and a half with five kids at the doctors office, we headed out with steroid treatments, and we were off to my dads to wish him a QUICK Happy Birthday.  It's about 5:30, and I had a preschool meeting at 7.  So I hit my kids through the 1/2 price Happy Meal line at McDs, and head to my dad's in Eagle.  I couldn't even give him his birthday present because it was stuck on our old hard drive from our computer crashing...so I showed up empty handed...

We came. We ate. We left.

BUT...hey, at least we sang him the Birthday song...sigh...

On to the next adventure.  I drop the kids off at home with the sitter, and took Blazer to the meeting.  I am glad that we found a preschool for him...he will need it with the kids being gone so much!!  When we were done, we had to find Carter a backpack.  I had been to four stores already, and didn't have much luck.  Another 3 stores later, and we FINALLY found something that wasn't super spendy, or super dorky...

I finally got home about 10pm to a house full of kids that hadn't gotten to bed yet...on a school night...

JOY

I put them to bed...and finally sat down...at around 11pm...

So that was our FIRST day of school....who's up for round two??!!!

Find a Penny, Pick it Up...Or do You??

It's been a crazy day...let's just face it...I am a procrastinator...

It's not always on purpose though, sometimes it's a matter of balancing a budget, or surgeries, or family...you know...life in general...

So I was running around crazy all day...therapy, house hunting, shopping, teacher meeting, schedule changing, hair cutting, school prepping...

Just another lazy day at the Lords' house...

Anyways, I had to go BACK out this evening to find just a few more things that were out at other stores ( big surprise...hello, the day before school) and by the time I'd left the second store after 9:30PM, I realize that I hadn't eaten dinner.  I'm walking through the parking lot, and low and behold

A shiny penny.

I was going to reach down and picked it up, but kept walking...

I NEVER DO THAT...I'm weird about superstitious stuff...don't ask me...like I said...I'm weird...

So I'm walking along, and think to myself...it's okay, I can still have good luck because instead of giving myself good luck, I am being selfless, and letting someone else find it...

YES...this is really going on in my brain...

So I decided to stop for a bite at Arby's...I haven't been there in FOREVER!!  I LOVE their roast beef sandwiches, and it's not too far out of my way...

I drive up, and the first thing the girl at the mic says is "Just to let you know, our slicer is broken, so the only thing we can't serve is our roast beef" 

I then whine out loud, because that is why I went there...that is the only thing I order there...other than their Jamocha shakes, which are DIVINE...but not exactly "dinner food"

After much murmuring, I settle for the shake.

As I'm driving up to the window, I am thinking about that darn penny.

Should've picked it up.

Dang it.

I begrudgingly pull up to the second window as instructed, all the while thinking about how I didn't pick that stupid penny up, and was even planning to tell the cashier about my "mishap" too...

She opened the window, and began speaking...

She says how the crew felt so bad that I came there just for a roast beef sandwich, and they didn't have it, and so as a group they made the decision to give me the shake for free.

Shame on me.

I felt bad...

Here I was trying NOT to pick the penny up so that I could give someone else good luck, then the FIRST opportunity of adversity hits, I immediately wish I had taken the selfish route, and then I'm rewarded in the end??

SIGH...

I offered to pay anyways, they insisted I didn't...

I drove away with my free shake...confused. 

Is it good luck to pick a penny up...or to leave it for someone else...???

The moral of the story:  In times of adversity, sometimes, you just have to wait for the blessing, not assume it isn't there...OH...and Arby's Jamocha Shakes are THE BOMB...and they really are "Good Mood Food"

The Lords go Marching on...

This is from a recent status update on FB that I will get to in JUST a moment...I feel like if I don't record THIS week...of all weeks...than I might as well be done with blogging forever...

It's been crazy town...

to the max

BUT...the good thing, is that SOMEHOW...through it all...I am surviving...although, I look forward to a time where I am living, or even thriving...but we'll get there...for now...let me just tell you about my past week...

Shall we??

SAT:  Oakley was baptized.  She was beautiful.  It was a perfectly crazy day filled with last minute dress shopping, ice cream, cooking, and getting ready.  It was hectic, but we still made it on time.  I surprisingly wasn't feeling terribly emotional or stressed.  I was enjoying it, and was super proud of Oakley.  She was beaming.  Once they greeted her with a towel, I went back there...I immediately gave her a huge hug, in which case...I could not let go.  I held on tight, because I was holding a perfect angel...and I felt it.  We both cried, and the words we exchanged are mine to cherish, but it was a moment not expected, but I will remember always...

We then had a BBQ with friends and family. It was a nice evening...no drama...we were unable to confirm her that day because there wasn't a bishopric member in town, so we were planning on doing it the following evening...

SUN:  Day of confirmation.  ALSO, day dishwasher floods EVERYWHERE in the kitchen...NO GOOD.  We sopped it up and texted the landlord...

Later in the evening it is about 7:15, and most of the family is to the house, and the counselor to confirm her is to be at our door any minute...but wait...we are missing a crucial element...BRIAN!!!  After several phone calls, and different routes, I find that he is getting off work late.  There had been a miscommunication somewhere...SIGH...in the hustle and bustle, and the craziness, I decide to step outside, and get some fresh air where no one can see me fall apart...I am just a little overwhelmed in life trying to organize schedules for 7 people, and many times, I have to reschedule these schedules...it's very consuming...

While out there, family members had come out front to express their frustration not knowing I am there as well.  It was just too much.  I walked away.  I didn't want that spirit in my home on the night my daughter was to receive the spirit...so I left. 

MON:  I was a big fat mess.  I am evaluating and re-evaluating in my head myself, my life, just everything...I definitely try super hard to keep up.  Romy generally has 3 appts a week...but most of the time it's more.  She goes to three days of therapy, and then sees an ophthalmologist, neurologist, cardiologist, ENT, GI specialist, and her regular pediatrician.  This is just her...we have four other children that have their own needs...and a house, that has it's own needs...I was just feeling the stress of this, and the stress of my husband who works SO INCREDIBLY HARD seven days a week. 

TUES:  Oakley and Parker have surgery.  Oakley was oddly excited for it.  It quickly faded into a poor lifeless recovering girl.  She was miserable.  Parker on the other hand was feeling good...he was weak coming out, but by the time we got home perked up and wanted to play his DS.  Oakley laid lifeless on the couch.  I had to keep telling Parker to relax, that doing to much would not be a good thing.  I was so lucky to have a friend from high school come and help me.  She had seen me post about the kids, and wanted to help...I know it was answers to my desperate prayers for help.  With Brian gone, I needed another set of hands...and I am so thankful for her...!!

Later that night, Oakley was just so miserable...in pain, and we felt helpless.  We had our home teacher come over and we gave her and Parker blessings...

WED:  I wake up sick.  I had a cold already, but this was a stomach thing...I felt awful.  There should be a rule about parents getting sick that have to take care of sick kids...or ones that have just had surgery for that matter!!  Just as I come out of the bathroom from loosing my guts, Oakley is standing weakly crying in my room saying she threw up and Blazer was jumping and playing in it.  I just wanted to cry.  I wish it ended there.  She couldn't keep anything down that whole day....including pain medicine.  I could tell we were in a bad downwards spiral....

MEANWHILE...we have a guy in our house tearing out our kitchen.  Remember that dishwasher that flooded??  SIGH...

By about 3pm I call in to the Dr office to see what I can do for Oakley...they told me to take her to the ER.  So I packed up my poor sick girl, and took her in.  They immediately gave her fluids via IV, but didn't give her anything for pain or nausea.  Her oxygen levels were low, so they did an xray to make sure she didn't have fluid in her lungs.  Finally after about an hour and a half after the bag of fluids had gotten in her, they ask her to take a couple sips of water...she IMMEDIATELY threw it up.  They realized how bad she was, and gave her nausea meds, and morphine.  I was annoyed that they let her lay in pain for as long as they did. 

Once she was stable, we took her home.  She seemed better, and even asked for Popsicles.  I was relieved.

The neighbors' kittens serving as pet therapy...so cute :)

THURS:  Our dishwasher guy is tearing out the floor, but is only tearing out a 2'X2' section...I was concerned and called Brian who does this type of thing for a living, expressing that I could see moisture on both sides where he was tearing it out, and the section he was tearing out was awful, he was scooping it out like butter...and it was covered in mildew on its way to molding.  We tried expressing the dangers to the landlord who had full confidence in this guys' experience.  We were mortified.  We sent out our own guys after he left to get second opinions, and took some moisture readings...they were up to 50% about two more feet on each side of where he had torn out. On top of that all of the interiors of the cabinets were saturated.  This was a disaster cleanup project, and more importantly it's a health hazard.  Without drying the floor out, it will be mold in a week.  We aren't sure what to do at this point, because our landlord won't listen to our concerns.  We took pictures of everything, and are just trying to figure out if moving is the best idea or not...

Oakley was feeling better, but Parker is now going downhill. He did too much that first day...!!  He threw up a couple of times, and we just couldn't seem to keep his pain away.  He luckily didn't get to a point where he couldn't keep anything down, but he wasn't doing good at all.

Thursday nights are my nights.  Brian was home early for once (early being 9pm) so I thought I would go to volleyball like I do most Thursday nights.  It was such a great release until....BAM...ball in face.  One of the girls served the ball, and the one receiving it kicked it for some reason, and I took a direct hit to my eye...

IT SUCKED.

My eye blacked out and lost vision on half of it, and my pupils went crazy...one was huge, and the other was small.  The girls around me had the "this looks serious but we're trying to stay calm" voices, so I knew it didn't look good.  It sure didn't FEEL good either!!  They got me ice to put on it, and we decided to see if my pupils would even out.  After about 15 minutes, they seemed to go back to almost normal...so I decided to go to Denny's like we do every night after volleyball.

My eye HURT...I was getting concerned because my vision seemed extra blurry.  I decided to google it, and everything that I saw said to go in immediately in case there was a torn retina.  I called Brian, and let him know what was going on, and he wanted me to go in.

SO, for a second day in a row...I was BACK to the ER. 

JOY

They checked my eye for immediate and obvious damage, and luckily I didn't have anything emergent going on.  So they sent me home with the advice that I be seen by an ophthalmologist within 2 days unless my eyesight changed, in which case I should go in immediately.

When I was going to bed, I noticed that something seemed weird.  The part of my eye that had visually blacked out seemed to be coming back.  It was almost like when you look at a flash and then close your eyes...the negative light feeling....only with your eyes open.  I called back into the ER, to make sure it wasn't something to be concerned about but they thought it could have been the drops they put into my eyes. 

FRI:  It wasn't the drops...after flushing my eyes out the night before and sleeping...I still had this weird vision thing...So I went in to the DR.  He found that my retina had been pulled.  He explained it as being similar to pulling a ligament.  He also found some nerve damage in several places on the right and in the bottom of my eye...which is explaining the vision disruptions.  We are hoping that it heals itself and my vision returns to normal in several weeks...I'm not going to address the "if not" scenario here...

This is about when I write my FB post I referenced in the beginning of this post...it went like this..." Mine eyes have seen the coming of the glory of the ball...well, maybe not...if I would have seen it I'm time I would have ducked and avoided the nerve damage and pulled retina...oh what fun...the Lords go marching on..."

Sometimes I feel like that is what we are doing...just marching on. 

The moral of the story is: No matter what happens...you just have to get through the day, because tomorrow will be a new one...and even though I wonder many times how I will get through tomorrow....some how....some way...I make it through...