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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Forgetfull Lucy...

Through all this going on with our little girl...there have been moments that almost stood still...moments that I don't want to forget...because they meant something to me...

~The moment I looked up after hearing the fasted heatbeat imaginable, and seeing the look of concern on my doctors face...that look I will never forget, nor the feeling in my gut that something...just wasn't right...

~Since Parker, I have been very worried about having another c-section, because I had such a bad recovery and was hospitalized twice after he was born. When they told me this time I was having one...I wasn't even worried about that. I was almost numb. I really didn't have a whole lot of fear, just numbness. Everyone rushed around, and next thing I knew, I was in the operating room getting my spinal. The anesthesiologist doing the procedure had a reassuring voice, and talked to me the whole time. Once I was numb...physically, they had me laying on the table and I remember just feeling vulnerable. I really hadn't cried, or freaked out, or anything...I just lay there in utter shock. He stayed with me and was talking to me about different things, trying to distract me, I can remember nodding blankly, and then he asked me..."do you have a name picked out for her?"

For some reason it was this point that I lost it. It was real. I just layed there with tears streaming down my face. The next thing I knew, there was a tissue silently wiping each one of my tears. It was the most compassionate thing I have ever experienced. It was as if Heavenly Father was saying to me "I am here." I have always known that He watches over us, but in that moment, I felt Him there. All because a perfect stranger wiped my tears...

~The first time I held my sweet precious daughter in my arms, and her little heart crashed in my arms.  They took my baby from me...and began treating her.  I will never forget what it looked like when they gave her the medication to restart her little heart....the shudder of her little body...the small helpless whimper that came from my suffering baby....

~The "Girls Night In"...my sisters brought Twilight to the hospital, and treats, and we had a girls movie night.  I had all my sisters in one room with me, and they will never know how much I needed that distraction...even if the movie did take five hours to complete!!

~The night I was alone at my daughters bedside.  Her little body shaking from the oscillator.  She held my hand.  I was exhausted, and had to finally pry myself away from her.  I told her I loved her, and she sqeezed my finger three times...as if to say...I LOVE YOU...it sent tears running down my face...

~All the visitors...you can't imagine how lonely it gets here...but one time in particular stands out.  The time I came to my room and there were two girls from my ward sitting in my room waiting patiently for me to get back from the NICU.  They brought goodies for me, and stayed for over two hours, talking and laughing...it was solace to my heart.  They also brought with them polish, and painted my toes.  It was such a selfless service that was so touching to me.  The love that people have shown and offered has been so overwhelming to me...

~Brian gave me a Willow Tree figurine "Angel of Mine".  It is a mother holding her baby.  It was so thoughtful and really sweet!  I loved it!! Then looking at it again later...I realized it couldn't have depicted little Romy Lin better.  With her picc line, she couldn't have any clothing on her one arm, so it was always sticking out.  On this figurine...one of the baby's arms is sticking out naked...just as Romy's did.  Now I sit in my little hospital room, and look at that figurine constantly thinking of my baby, just wondering when I will get to take her home with me...

~My brother.  He has been a huge support to me.  Sharing his experiences with his own son, who didn't make it after being in the NICU for a month and a half, taking me to breakfast, calling me, giving Romy a little crib friend, a buffalo beanie baby named "Roam"...and so, so much more.  I will never forget the new bond that we share...

~The sweat pouring from the Respiratory Therapist's face as he extubated our little girl.  To see such dedication and focus, in a tense moment was amazing...

~The first time I saw my baby.  She was always there, somewhere, but the day she actually "came to life"...it was almost as if you could see her little spirit entering her body saying, "Now, I am here..."

~Luguya - the nurse that got me through the hardest times.  So much compasion, reassurance, so much love. It was almost like having my mom there with me...I needed her

~Barb - the nurse that I connected with the most...AND the one that knew how important having a cute little bow in my daughter's hair every day was... ;)  

This is going to have to be a "never ending" post.  There are so many moments that I am sure I have forgotten.  So many people that have made such an impact in our lives these last few weeks...And so many experiences I have yet to encounter...I may have to continually update this post, so that I "never forget"...