Just to Clarify...

Okay...many of you know me...and understand the cynical humor and workings of my mind, but I am realizing that some of my new readers are perceiving my daily madness as NeGaTiVe events...!! Please don't feel bad for my daily trials and catastrophes!!! Although I would love a perfect world with no tribulations...I wouldn't trade the world I have been given!! If I were truly upset by my daily happenings...I'd be sulking in a corner where you would not be reading them online...for the WHOLE world to have access!!

Basically what it comes down to is that I write for two reasons...one is that I think, or more hope, that maybe by the humor of my life...someone out there can breath some reassurance in knowing that they aren't alone!! And two...I NEVER, EVER want to forget these memories. This is my only journal...I am horrible at keeping a real journal because every entry is filled half with an apology, and half with a generalized recap....for example, an entry would most likely look something like this:

(click to read)

so obviously, these random daily undertakings go unheard of, and forgotten. Not to mention I don't exactly glue pictures and links into my journal!!

SOOOOOO, the moral of the story is...I love my life, and I love how crazy it is...and PLEASE know that when my day can't get worse....then it has been perfect!

DON'T send me to Vegas....

You know those dreams where you incorporate your alarm clock into them for a while before waking up??? Ya, it all starts there...but go ahead and add the FIRE ALARM CHIRPING. UGH?? Why is it necessary for it to begin in the early hours of unconscious sleep...?? I think...okay, I'll just take the battery out, and get on with my day. Right, well, that doesn't work apparently. It kept on chirping....every 45 seconds...thanks!! Well, I have to get Carter off to school, and could NOT find his school clothes in my room...(where our clean laundry resides until put away) CHIRP So, after finding pants and socks...(taking ten minutes...CHIRP x 12) I decided he would just have to wear short sleeves to school. Ya I know..."Mother of the Year" award awaits me...!! Well, I go in to wake him up, CHIRP and what do you know...low and behold are a few stacks of clean folded laundry...Thanks Brian!! Cept, wish I would have known!! Oh well....

While he is getting ready, CHIRP I am gathering his school things and see that he has not done his homework....AGAIN!! We have been working on building responsibility for his own work, and it doesn't seem to be working....AHHH. His report cards even reflected CHIRP his late homework this last quarter. It isn't that he doesn't always do it though...generally it is because although mom has him do it and put it in his backpack...he doesn't give it to the teacher...Frustrating. Well, I didn't know what to do, so I CHIRP told him that he would have to be late to school so that he could do his homework. I also made him write a note saying why he was CHIRP late, and told him that he would have to read it to his class. HA!! So, I sent him to begin work on his homework. Meanwhile, I hear Parker crying CHIRP in his room. I go up there, and after much negotiating, convince him to tell me what CHIRP is wrong...he has had an accident!! He was very upset about it too...he doesn't do that, or at least it is rare if it does happen, which is impressive for a three-year-old!! Well, I get him up and into the bath, and instead of cutting all of the CHIRP wires to the fire alarm, decide to call my friend whose husband is a fireman. So I go into my son's room (as to not wake up the other sleeping childrentalking on the phone) lay on his bed, and call her to ask her how to make it stop, and she tells me CHIRP to put a new battery in. Okay...thought CHIRP of that, but who has a 9volt just lying around???!!! Okay, fine, well, not me! She also told me that cutting the wires would be a very stupid idea because it would make them ALL not work. Fire hazzord or something like that....LAME!! She did invite me to come over and get one of her many CHIRP batteries that she so preparedly had laying around, but on the way to her house, I would pass a few stores that would carry them...hopefully my next door neighbor would have one!! And...she did...HOORAY!! So, I hop off of the CHIRP bed...what the heck???!!!...my butt is soaked!!!....what could have......oh GROSS...I friggin' just laid in Parker's accident!!!!! SICK.......CHIRP....really....SICK!!!

After my drama, and getting all changed, and the battery next door, I can FINALLY get some peace and quiet from the new battery. As I put the battery in the fire alarm, it CHIRPS at the same time...GREAT....this one doesn't work either??!! I wait.................wait........................waiting.....................................still waiting....................................

S I L E N C E

.....siiiiiigggggghhhhhh

Needless to say, after that...I went back to bed for a chance to start the day again.....thankfully my sister is staying with us, and she helped with the kids so that I could rewind the morning...

Moral of the story is: If you are looking for a lucky charm for your trip in Vegas...Don't call me, I can't guarantee my luck...ever...but neighbors are awesome, and always have what you don't....so call them...!!

WHAT to DO...

Well, as of late I have become rather obsessed with blogging!! I have to be careful though, cause if I sit down at the computer during "mommy hours" I may very well forget the subject children I blog about!! Next thing I would know, there would be Desitin smeared all over the baby, the carpet, all of the downstairs doorknobs, random walls, the toilet, and finally all over the sink the culprit tried..I mean...WoUlD try to wash their hand at....er...crap!! Yes...I confess...I blogged...Why is it that I can get so in my world that I can forget about what is happening right behind my chair??!!

The other problem seems to be that the more that I "blog surf" the less that I actually have to write about...cause I am sittin' on the computer missin' everything!! What a concept....

The solution?? Well, I deal with Desitin if I need some mommy time, cause face it...a nice hot bath would really just result in a community soak fest...

SOOO basically what it comes down to is life will happen, and to get away from it all, I will laugh and smile at everyone else's daily blunders...Sure beats yelling and threatening my children with their lives cause I cant DEAL. And...when they are all asleep, and husband is put to bed safe and sound...I am back in my little world....

My FaBuLouS Day...!!!

Well, it sorta started the day before, when my brother couldn't find his car keys. He works for us, and we had a job that had to be done...so I loaded up my children to pick him up. I threw baby in the car seat carrier, but when I got out to my husband's Rendezvous he already had a facing forward seat hooked up. Because there was no room for both, I threw the carrier in the back, and put the baby in the other seat...

Later that night, my son came to me, and said that two of his top teeth were hurting, so brilliantly, I told him we would take him to the dentist the next day....The ironic thing was that I already had their 6 month checkups arranged....weird...Twilight Zone...

So, we get up, get ready, and I get four kids out the door to head off to the dentist...Riiiiiight...no baby car seat. It is in my husbands car, both baby seats are....LAME!!! So, I get on the phone trying to get a hold of my closest friends (by location) to save me...NO ANSWERS!!! AHHHH!! So I start driving the neighborhood....Brittany Spears style...only, I had my baby on the Five-year-old's lap!! It took three different houses, to finally find a poor unfortunate soul to pawn my baby off on...Thanks SO MUCH Andrea!! So then i was off...hoping not to be late...

We get to the dentist's office JUST on time. We got there just IN time for me to notice that my three-year-old had no shoes. LOVELY. No big deal...I will just carry him into the office...And THIS is when I notice how incredibly huge half of Carter's face is (the 7 year old). I ask him...

"What is in your mouth??" (cause we totally did the "pre-dentist" brushing...don't EAT anything!!!)

"Nothing...it's the owie that I told you about" ....!!! W O W...it was huge!!

Good thing we were at the dentist...he ended up having a massive abscessed tooth. The infection was almost up to his eye...when the dentist would push on his cheek...the infection would drain through his gums....EWWWWW!!! OWWWW!!

So, now we need to get antibiotics....more antibiotics...5 out of 6 of us have already BEEN on antibiotics within the last week....ear infections, strep, and now this...UGH!!

Well, It was imperative that we give him his first dose immediately, and it is about noon by now, and we are 20 minutes away from everything, so I told Carter that he wouldn't be going to school...water works!!??...Crap, he was not fly with that...It was the big day for the Valentines Parties (DuH...Why didn't I remember that??!!)...SOOOOO

I ghetto style hit them through a McDonald's drive-thru, check my half-swollen-faced son, and his sister in at school at school(all the while carrying Parker...), drop off the prescription, call a friend to pick up baby from the poor unexpected prey of unfortunate events (thanks Jenna!!!), run back home to get the Valentines the kids made for their teachers...cause we forgot them, Go BACK to get prescription, go BACK to school, carry the three-year-old in to drug my infected child(cause of course I wouldn't remember shoes when I went back home...Miss Brilliant today...), pick up baby, and go home....

Needless to say this all happened to be on the day that I have dance classes at my house (built in studio) for 4 hours, and I was totally drained....

You know....The genius that coined the phrase "Stay-at-home-Mom" was actually a complete idiot, or a guy....but most likely, it was both...!! My husband would have been in a corner shaking and sucking his thumb if he had had a day like that...(okay...so maybe he would have survived...but only barely...)

Wanna know the worst part???!! The next day...I had a doctors appt...and guess who's car seat is still in the back of my husbands car (after him telling me he would get it out!!!)....???

ROUND TWO....!!!!!????!!!! f i n e....BrInG It oN!!!!

Trouble in the School Yard???!!!

So just a thought....should you worry about your kids being teased by other kids at school...??

It all starts when we are at home on a regular school night, doing our regular routine...we are busy doing homework, getting dinner ready, setting the table, and whatnot, and I overhear Carter talking to his sister and he says....

"....Well, sometimes my teacher calls me "Carter the Farter"...."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I immediately jump in and analyze the situation....well, no, more like I interigate...

"What did you say Carter??"

he repeated it...

"Are you sure your teacher really called you that??!"

He was....but I wasn't buying it...I know better!!

"So if I call your teacher, and say....Carter says you call him "Carter the Farter" she will say...yes, I have..????!!!" Oh....I've got him now...he will be scared pee-less and fess up...

I am wrong....

"Yes...??" He is worried at this point that I am gonna get him in trouble...so I test him further...

"Well, maybe I need to come to your class tomorrow, and in front of the teacher and ALL of your classmates announce that you like being called "Carter the Farter" and your teacher calls you it...!!!"

"Mommy, I didn't say I liked being called that, she just sometimes calls me that..."

wow....I mean....wow, I didn't know what the heck to think!!....He is NOT giving in...What do I do??!!!

Well, I decided to write a note, and told Carter that I was, and he was totally fine with it. It said something along the lines of this:

Mrs. Blank (for sake of names)...

Carter informed us tonight that he has been called "Carter the Farter" on more than one occasion by his teacher. I am not so concerned about the name, as I am about finding out if this is an honesty issue. Please know how important instilling these values are, and help us to fix this situation in a proper manner. He acted as if it were more of a term of endearment, but if kids caught on, he could be teased relentlessly. Thank you for your help...

Signed me.

There...I didn't make it sound like I thought she was scum of the earth if she had said it, and made sure she knew that if he did lye...there would be major punishment, so she better let us know so that we don't torture the poor kid if he is innocent.

Well, I missed the call....but this was the message I received that next morning:

Hi Tamra, this is...Mrs Blank....I got your note, and you know what, I have said "Carter the Farter," and "Carter Smarter" as rhyming words.... um, so he is not telling you a lie, and I really do apologize for that...um, and so I do understand your concern about other kids maybe saying that, uh, i wont say those rhyming words together any longer...And i appreciate your note, and uh, informing me of that, he was telling the truth, and it was a term of endearment at the time, but the focus was rhyming words so I really do apologize...If you need to call me, please do...Thanks bye...

I was floored...obviously, because for one, I saved the message, and for two, I just typed it down verbatim. I couldn't believe that here I am sending my child to school to deal with his peers, and all of the bullying and teasing that come along with that, but the one person I SHOULD be worrying about is the adult I entrust my child to for 8 hours a day...to mold and create, and whether I like it or not...partly raise. I am confounded....but proud of my son for telling the truth, and accidentally letting me know what was going on. I don't think she realizes how mean and cruel kids can be...unintentionally, and intentionally. She should be the last one putting ideas into the children's heads on how to tease others, whether she meant to or not....!!

She did call again, and apologized, but I feel seriously burnt by the public school system....I just don't know WHAT to think...!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you??!!!!

Phrases of the day...

This isn't a traditional thing for my blog or anything, I just thought they were random enough for you all to enjoy. These are just a couple of quotes...kid quotes...from our day....yes, I am sure you know where I am going with this....are my kids the ONLY ones??...Don't worry, that was purely rhetorical...!!

Okay, first up, surprisingly was the 7 year old sitting in the backseat of the car...

"Mommy...Oakley said hearts are for beating boobies, is that what they are really for??!!"

w o w.....Um, no...not exactly son...!!

And our final one is brought to you by Parker as I tucked him into bed tonight....

"Mommy, I needa make a kiss of you..."

definition: Mommy, I want a kiss and a hug!! I thought it was cute....It melted my heart!!! (just enough to leave the room and realize that I had the rest of the night dedicated to peace and quiet...Ahhhhhhh....I love my kids....especially when they are quietly sleeping...winks!!)

Another day in Church...!!

WARNING...THE FOLLOWING STORY MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN....EVEN THOUGH IT IS THEIR MOUTHS THESE THINGS COME FROM...!!!

Well, Parker strikes again..!! We are sitting in church, and this is the "QUIET" point during church. The most quite 10-15 minutes that us young mothers try really hard to accomplish...

I Failed...

Right smack in the middle of this reverent moment, my three-year-old pokes me outta nowhere and says...

"Those are Big Boobas...Mommy, are those your big boobas??!"

why...why...why...I mean, obviously they are mine...they are attached to my chest!!!

"Yes honey...SHHHH!!"




poke...poke...poke... "My mommy has big boobas! boobas...boobas....boobas..."




At this point, I give up on talking to him, and reach around and hug him all the while holding his little arms folded to prevent any more prodding...


I swear, there must be some device on children that forces them to do inappropriate things in the most inopportune time...!! Kinda like when you and your husband want some time alone...they have some sort of homing device that sends them straight to your door knocking....!! SIGH!!




Well, moral of the story is: If kids know one thing, it is that they have to embarrass their parents while they are young as a preventative strike for their teenage years...Little do they know...that we parents plan to use these inappropriate stories at the most inopportune times of their dating lives...!! It is like the circle of life...WOW...!!

The Lords Humor...

Well, I am sure some of you may have noticed that I changed our blog name...!! Pun SOOO intended. I mean, what is the point of having such an incredible name, and not using it?? Plus, I believe that our family is completely humorous...like when Parker will lick dog pee, but when he saw the highchair yesterday that had crumbs I was going to dump out, he gasps...

"Ewwww!! That's yucky!! We can't lick highchairs and cereals!!!"

What?? I mean, ya...I could see how this would be much more horrific!! Not dry Cheerios, that would be completely vile! Well, I don't know where this obsession with licking things came about, but I do know one thing...it is humor....

Which brings me to yet another mind boggling question...How is it possible that the only time a baby puts their arms in a toilet, is when it isn't flushed??!! Does their sense of smell develop later in life??!! Well, today was the day!!! I know what you are thinking..."Why is your baby in a toilet in the first place...?" Well, it is simple really: In one tiny downstairs bathroom, there were four people...Me doing Daughter's hair, Three-year-old using potty, and Baby waiting for opportune time to come in for the kill...I just didn't see it coming...!!! Ahhhhh!! But I hear of toilet stories all the time involving babies, and unmentionables lurking in the throne of death and stench...

Well, what would my life be without these blissful moments of joyness?? Pretty dang boring I imagine!! Kids are so incredible, the workings of their little minds top any entertainment you would pay money to see. I have my own real time Fear Factor everyday!! Joe Rogan has nothing on me...!!

In conclusion, not only do I believe that our family is humorous, but our Maker as well. Our Lord and Savior blesses us, he tries us, and he humbles us with his warm humor. I believe whole heartedly that a sense of humor is Righteous!! I have four kids, a husband, and a certain father-in-law (love ya), to prove it!! We really are so very blessed, and the Lord will look over our household with a smile as our young children continue bewilder us daily...

The Messenger...

So, I was reading on one of my new favorite blogs Pulsifer Predilections, and realized that her humor is my reality....

Yesterday, as I was upstairs folding laundry, my daughter walks up the stairs with a message to tell me...that made NO sense...

Oakley: "Who is your favorite Roomate?"

Me: "What?? What are you talking about?"

Oakley: "Daddy wants to know who is your favorite Roomate?"

Me: "Go tell daddy that I have no idea what he means, cause it doesn't make any sense!"

Approximately Two minutes, eight seconds later...

In comes said five year old with a paper and pen reading:

favorite roomate? Password?

I look at it like "what is my husband on??" and reply on the paper:

I have no idea

after another trip back upstairs with the paper, I realize that my husband is trying to transfer money between bank accounts, and apperantly one of the security questions asks who my favorite roomate is. Only problem, is that I wouldn't pick that question, therefore, didn't have an answer...

Finally, I told Oakley... "Honey, Just go get my phone!"

So, in she comes with my blackberry so that I may contact my husband who is just down our what, 14 stairs, to remedy our little confusion via GSM.

I figure this is ALL OKAY!! Hey, I got to continue folding laundry, Brian stayed at the computer doing necessary financial tasks, and we were teaching our daughter the importance of A) good communication between spouses, and more importantly B) EXERCISE...I mean, the girl was up and down those stairs like four or five times...and she is like a third the size of me, so she got three times more a workout than I would have, if I would have done the same thing...not to mention, if I would have gone downstairs briefly, it would have only taken one trip...soooo...

Moral of the story is....Cell phones are a wonderful necessity, and children make great carrier pigeons!!

25 RaNDoM tHiNgS AboUT mE!!!

I got tagged like six times on Facebook with this, so since I had this all filled out, I thought...hey, why not start it in the blogging world. So, here it is, I love you all!!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 5 people to be tagged, and list them at the bottom. You also have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1) Lets just get this straight…I AM 25 Random things…anyone who knows me, knows my by my personality traits…Random, spaz, out-there, out going, extreme, crazy….well, the list could go on, but I don’t know that it would get better…

2) I am GREAT at embarrassing myself. Half the time it is innocent, I just open a door, and WHAM…it slaps me in the behind…other times…I think embarrassing myself is just hilarious, and especially if there are close victims such as my husband or friends…HAHA

3) Three is an interesting number for me…I have dated three “Brians”, I have been engaged 3 times, and for some reason, when bad things happen, they seem to come in threes…weird

4) I am competitive…which is a good thing and a bad. I will try pretty much ANYTHING, but I will not give up in a fight. I hate losing, and when I suck at something, watch out, cause I will obsess over it until I figure the dumb thing out…

5) My nickname used to be “Fruitloop”…I’m not gonna explain it, and many of you know anyways…

6) I used to go by TJ, or Teej, a lot of the time. Don’t know when or why it stopped, cause I actually liked it…hmmmm

7) I LOVE SURPRISES!!! Oh man, even planning them for other people. I don’t get many anymore being a mom, but they are my favorite!!

8) I can flip you off with my toes!!

9) We have Four Kids, Three Businesses, Two Birds, and One Massively Giant Dog...!!

10) I write poetry, but only few have read it.

11) I am a photographer at heart. I used to work for a studio, and maybe someday I will put together a portfolio of my work…and start doing it as yet another business!

12) I like boards…WAKEBOARDS and SNOWBOARDS

13) I plan to get my nursing degree and would like to specialize in Labor and Delivery

14) I don't do scary movies. EVER...AT ALL. PERIOD. If i even hear the music to a scary movie, I make Brian change the channel PRONTO!!! I don't even like movies that make fun of scary movies...pathetic, I know. I just don't like the feeling they give me...or the nightmares, and Brian will agree...he doesn't like my nightmares either...!!

15) I like Hospitals...I know, WEIRD!!

16)I am a night owl. Do NOT ask me to get up early...

17) I get uneasy in nursing homes…I love old people, but nursing homes make me feel weird…

18) I cut hair. I have no professional training, and I have cut my own before…more than once…

19) I make up words…pershaw, chachy, chaffa…and use them regularly.

20) DOT DOT DOT…it is like my signature. I mean look up…you will see three dots almost everywhere…it is like how I think or something…

21) I was in a dance video for the Blues Brothers Café

22) I absolutely detest cardboard. It feels weird, it sounds weird, and it makes me cringe when I hear tape ripping off of it...

23) I recorded a song at a professional studio, for my mom, and would like to do it again. It actually turned out pretty good…go figure..

24) I ROCK at Rockband…it pisses people off sometimes too!! Sa-weet...

25) I live for purses and shoes…they are the two things you can always shop for that never make you look FAT!!

Okay, you are it: Melissa, Cynthia, Jenna, Deb, and Robin...GO!!!

11 months and counting...sniffs!!

Well, it's about that time again, where I hyperventilate thinking about my baby being a year old soon. WHY???!!!! It is SO not fair that it has to go so fast! I will miss so much about the baby stage...

I will miss sleeping with my infant on my chest, I will miss just watching him sleep in my arms, I will miss the first smile, I will miss the Army Crawl, I will miss his little "uh-oh", his "thank-you", and his little dance moves, I will miss nursing, I will miss snuggles, I will miss the "newborn sounds", I will miss the other kids saying..."Mommy, can I hold him?!!", I miss being able to change diapers on my lap, and the times when he peed on me. I will miss his cute little claps, and the times he takes his "Ginky" out and babbles whole sentences as if we should know exactly what he is saying...I will miss the times when he would fall asleep with his little feet in his hands, I will miss being able to fit him in my two arms....There is so much more that I can't even think of now, that I will wish I added later. I hope the feeling goes away someday. I can't even imagine being glad that my kids are older. It goes so fast. Too fast.

Here are some pictures to remember the year by...

Announcing...Blazer Matthew Lords

Sweet newborn cries...

Slinging with mommy...so small...

Little Newborn Eyes...

Daddy Loves Him...

Cute Snuggles...

His number one Fan...


Baby smiles include the whole face!!

Daddy Time...

Silly Baby...

Sleepin on a warm lap with your cousin...

First Tooth...11 Months...FINALLY!!!...shoulda cleaned the food off of his face ;)

Six Hours Later...

Today we stayed in because we had sick children...and I hid myself in a closet, and went through pictures...a little over 1600 pictures. For Mother's Day last year, Brian had all of my CD's developed up until that date. It was such an awesome, and thought provoked gift, but I had never had a chance to sit down and go through them all...until now.

It took me six hours, some smiles, and some tears...I just really was so shocked to see such drastic change in my children, my family, and our lives...it was almost scary! Time seems to go so fast, and I don't feel like I enjoy every moment the way I wish I could. I spend so much time worrying about this and that, instead of enjoying it. It was a huge reminder of living in the now. I couldn't believe how old my kids are now...it made me realize that the next time I would be sitting there going through pictures, I could be looking at teenagers...that is a terrifying thought!!

SO...the moral of the story is...Live in the now, and love every moment, because before you know it, those moments are memories...